The Importance of Knowing Who You Are

To live a fulfilling life and to lead with clarity and integrity, you have to know who you are. Not just what you’re good at.
Not just what others need from you.
But who you are, at your core.

This is called the sense of self. It’s the understanding that you exist as a whole and unique person, with your own thoughts, needs, values, feelings, limits, and boundaries.

Our sense of self is what shapes the way we live our lives.

A healthy sense of self gives definition and direction. Psychologically, it includes things like self-concept (how you see yourself), self-worth (how you value yourself), agency (your capacity to make choices that reflect your values), and boundaries (knowing where you end and others begin). A healthy sense of self makes you feel more steady in yourself. You know what matters to you. You can act with clarity. You can hold space for others without losing yourself.

An unhealthy or unformed sense of self results in a loss of definition and direction. You begin to blend into the people and environments around you. You might over identify with roles, relationships, or responsibilities. Without a healthy sense of self, you respond to life with shape-shifting and adjusting. Over time, your own voice becomes hard to hear. You may look to others for approval before making decisions or struggle to name what you actually want or believe. The person you become is shaped by external forces.

This isn’t a personal flaw or weakness. It’s a learned pattern and, for many women, a cultural expectation. We’re taught to be agreeable, keep the peace and not be an inconvenience. Loss of self is often praised and esteemed, while a healthy sense of self is discouraged and even condemned as poor character.

Sadly, without a strong sense of self, we end up living lives that are not our own.

As a woman leader, learning about sense of self was life changing. I saw how often I had minimised my presence, muted my voice and held myself back from opportunities in order to meet others’ expectations. This is pretty common. Women often shrink to fit cultural, social and even familial expectations.

I have found that developing a healthy sense of self has enabled me to make decisions with greater clarity, create boundaries with grace, bring ideas to the table with confidence, and live in alignment with what matters most to me. Cultivating a healthy sense of self enabled me to live with authenticity, freedom and joy. It’s not always easy, but it is always good.

And this is not just a personal shift. When you choose to develop a healthy sense of self, you help others do the same.

Imagine living and working alongside people who know who they are and are confident in what they offer! Relationships flourish. Workplaces become more collaborative. Communities become healthy when people know their worth and are energised to contribute.

And this all starts with you being… you.

With you on the journey,
Justine

Reflection Question:

Where and when in your life do you feel like your true self?
In what areas have you lost touch with what you really think, feel, or want?